Blog

How parents can raise emotional skills development for young boys

Parenting: How to

04 April 2025

Dr Hazel Douglas MBE

Adolescence – it’s the second most rapid period of brain development after those early months as a baby. Rewiring in the brain and all those new hormones surging means chaos for young boys trying to navigate school pressures, friendships, sexuality and their identity or role in society. Emotions are felt much more strongly than at any other time in their lives and these biological changes have much to do with the risk taking, erratic behaviour and angry outbursts commonly associated with teenage boys, as well as throwing off their previous sleep patterns.

Why is adolescence so hard for boys?

Adolescence can be hard for everyone. The body and brain is reprogramming and developing in adolescence as part of the transition to adulthood. For boys in a modern society where health inequalities are widening, children are more likely to have a smartphone than a father living at home, and those smartphones are feeding porn, extremism and 24/7 exposure… the environment is not designed to nurture.

It’s also typical in adolescence to become much more acutely aware of identity, of peers, of differences and of judgement (again thanks to the rewiring in the brain). And the emotions associated can be felt exceptionally strongly. But if boys are raised to be brave, resilient, stoic, strong, physical, ‘masculine’, without being emotionally aware, it can be difficult for them to express the more complicated feelings of anxiety, jealousy, anger or shame. It’s common to see them begin to mask or withdraw from emotional expression and then ‘explode’ in episodes, seemingly unprovoked.

Why do emotional skills matter?

Emotional awareness, an ability to understand our wellbeing and process difficult experiences and feelings can help protect us from mental illness. Indeed, research shows that emotional wellbeing is also connected to physical health.

When it comes to anger, rage, and dealing with conflict, emotional intelligence can also keep us safe. And others too.

The ability to calm ourselves in challenging situations and in the middle of big emotions is a skill learnt in childhood, from early infant and toddler outbursts and throughout our interactions with adults as we grow through childhood, we learn about processing our emotions. Most of us are at our most violent when we are toddlers, but those around us help us to manage and process our strong feelings. This is resilience.

How are emotional skills learnt?

In relationships. We learn about appropriate ways to express ourselves, what challenges us and soothes us in our relationships. And for most young people this comes from parents or caring relationships: how they help us manage our feelings, what they tell us about what’s right and wrong and also through what we observe.

” Parents model emotional care in their behaviour (how they react, how they interact, how they say sorry or make amends in their mistakes, how they express love) and it’s significant in shaping their young people.

Processing big or difficult emotions is most effective in a relationship too – talking through feelings, recognising them, understanding them, helps integrate them rather than ignoring them and stops them from becoming overwhelming.

I have worked with others for many years to increase access to knowledge and evidence for raising emotional wellbeing and we have produced a series of online courses or ‘pathways’ for parents to learn about development and help tune in to teach skills that will set their young people up to thrive in this challenging world they’re inheriting. Take a look, I hope you find something helpful.